My Birthday Reflection

My Birthday Reflection

22 October 2007

Something happens when we experience terror, and cross over to safety. After my hysterectomy in 1996 I felt as if I couldn’t live. I questioned who I was as a woman, and what I would bring to a relationship. I was angry with God, and didn’t understand why this had happened to me. I was a rebel who supported all the right causes, and constantly fought battles. I lost it all---my business, my great position as a successful entrepreneur, and ---- myself, or rather the me that was directed by ego. After my surgery, I dreamed of dolphins often, for years,--- and still do. Dolphins have saved my life. They led me to open my heart--- and I began to release my big ego.

It’s taken me more than ten years to rebuild my life. Now I am on a new journey of hope inspired by Gandhi’s invitation to “Live simply so that others may live.” Along the way, I continue to travel through many tunnels of despair, and have found disillusionment in myself, others, and the inequity in the world. I have been aided by dolphins, doves, eagles, wolves, flowers, and trees. Our Blessed Divine Mother sends angels, masters and spirit guides to support me. I have been the recipient of honest compassion and assistance from many, many people. I have cried more tears than I thought imaginable. I still cry. Now more often, I cry tears of joy. I have thrived, and am learning to live and flourish with courage, hope, faith in humanity, and love.

Today I am conscious of finding joy in the moment, of reconnecting to the Mother Earth=Heart, and the glorious sun, the sensuous moon, and the glisten stars. I imagine I have lived many lifetimes.

Perhaps I have been an angel---a murderer, a thief, a courtesan, or a warrior. It’s possible---and probably true. It doesn’t matter though, because who I was is yesterday news. Who I AM is what’s important. Each day through my meditation and prayer, I always have the opportunity to begin again. Every moment I am given a choice to show up in love. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I’ve passed on great opportunities to be of service. My ego self steps in to call for attention. And the journey continues. I’m learning to forgive myself for all my mistakes, and to forgive others. I work to move on. I work to live in the Now Time—moment to moment, joyfully in the NOW.

Today, I embrace the continuing disappointment of my ego. I ask to have more courage to live my life in service, as a being of love. In my heart I believe that humanity can re-connect to create a tranquil, loving existence in harmony.

There have, and continue to be ego, and financial challenges. Ultimately though, everyday I ask to show up for myself, and others,--- to offer my understanding, compassion, my hope and my faith in just BE-ING.
Publish Post
What I am discovering is that though I don’t always show up completely----every day, I show up more!